Alfred's Not Your Mate, Arthur
by The-baby-Sparrow
Summary: You're a cigarette!" Alfred decides to visit Matthew one day, and they reminisce about their vacation time in merry old London England. More of a summary inside.


**Disclaimer: The idea for this story came from a video that I saw on youtube that SparklyChakram created. The video is called "Alfred's Not Your Mate, UK". The dialogue used from that video is from an animated series called "Clerks", which is based off of a motion feature with the same name (I think). I do not own Axis Powers : Hetalia, though I wish I did. I do not own America, Canada, or the United Kingdom; However I am Canadian, so I might own just a teeny weeny bit of Canada (not really). I do not own "Clerks: The Animated Series". I also don't own any of the ideas or themes that were produced from the 'This Hour Has 22 Minutes' sideshow 'Talking to Americans', but I must admit, it is one of my favourites.**

_ If you want, please listen to the video first. Because the story, I admit, isn't as funny unless you picture the 'voice' of Alfred saying what he says. _

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**Alfred F. Jones and Matthew Williams Present**

**"Alfred's Not Your Mate"**

It was one of those days. You know the kind of day I'm talking about. The ones where nothing seems to be going your way, you're down on your luck and with no means of finding a safe haven. Well, for Matthew Williams, today was one of those days. His brother Alfred, the self proclaimed 'Hero', decided that he would take some time out of his 'busy schedule' to visit him in the cold and large country. Though, receiving a visit from Alfred usually entitled being ignored for most of the day, drinking warm and watered down beer, while watching American Football on TV. But today was different from every other day when he would visit. Today, the loud nation actually felt like talking to him.

"You remember that contest we won? Two weeks in merry ol' London, England." Alfred asked as his brother handed him another one of his beers. Matthew would never drink one of his brother's beers, not even if he was paid to. No, give him an Alexander Keith's, a notably Canadian-tasting beer, and he was all set.

"With no world meetings? How could I forget?"

Alfred mouthed a 'I never see you at the world meetings anyway…' but Matthew ignored him. Instead, he thought of the memory of that time in the drizzly and merry London, England.

_The weather was actually quite nice that day. There was only a slight drizzle and a small wind from the West. Still, Matthew dressed appropriately for his walk in old London Towne, wearing a maroon and grey raincoat that he received as a Christmas present from his officially bilingual province Frederick, and an umbrella that he bought while he was visiting Victoria, who was another one of his provinces. However, all that Alfred had to protect him from the elements was a thin hooded sweater that he bought from one of his favourite stores, American Eagle. It was typical of Alfred, really. Completely predictable._

"_Ah~ This is the life, Al!"_

"_We just got to get away more often…"_

_What wasn't as predictable though, was seeing an Arthur Kirkland walking casually down one of his many streets. While wearing a navy pea jacket, all he had to shield himself from the droplets of rain was a brown fedora. As the cold northern nation began to stare at the person who was once a fatherly figure to him, he noticed that the European was searching for something in the outside pockets of his jacket. The question was: What exactly was he looking for? Curious, he turned to Alfred for his opinion, and saw him splashing around happily in one of the many puddles that laid dormant on the cobblestone streets. Funny, Alfred always had a fascination with acting childish. With a heavy sigh, Matthew turned from his immature older brother to take a glance at the scenery when he came face-to-face with the European nation, who had believed in fairies, unicorns, and that William Shakespeare's playwrights were boringly easy to understand._

_Most people just thought he was delusional._

_Arthur must not have remembered who Matthew was. The older nation usually didn't until he was otherwise informed by another party. This saddened Matthew slightly. I mean, Arthur had practically raised the young nation, along with the help from Francis. He should have been able to remember who he was after all those years, right?_

"_Pack a _fag_?"_

"_**You're**__ a fag!" Alfred came to his side. He obviously had gotten bored of the puddles rather quickly. So now, just like he usually did, he was picking a fight with __him__. With Arthur Kirkland._

"_It's a cigarette, mate…"_

"_I'm not your _'mate'_, fag!"_

Snapping back out of his delirious memory, Matthew decided to add his two cents' worth. "It wasn't until years later that we found out what _'fag' _really means. Eh, mate?" He held a joking tone in his voice. However, Alfred didn't take it as a joke. Or maybe he just didn't understand the joke. Either way, really…

"You're a fag."

"N-no, Al…" Matthew said in his defense, which caused him to stutter slightly. "It's a cigarette. Don't you remember?"

"You're a cigarette!" Matthew glared at his southern brother. If that was his idea of a joke, then it wasn't a very funny one. With a resonated sigh, Matthew grabbed the Channel Changer for his TV, and changed the channel. One could only watch American football for so long, with or without Alfred's constant cheering and excitement. A commercial came on, advertising one of those 'CASH FOR GOLD' jewelry pawn shops that were located all across Canada. Intently, Alfred stared at the screen as the pawn shop's contact number flashed by,

"1-250…1-25…Hey, Mattie! I didn't know you had a second area code!"

All of the colour, all of the life and emotion drained from the northern nation's face as he registered what Alfred had just shouted out rather animatedly.

If only Rick Mercer were there to see that…

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And that is that!

I hope you all enjoyed that story. I couldn't sleep last night and I thought about that video I saw and I thought 'Hey, why not?'. So I did! Anyway, even though I am pretty sure it's self-explanatory, I think I have to remind everyone of who the two provinces that I mentioned really were.

They were:

**British Columbia as Victoria Fraser.**

_Her name was based off of the Fraser Valley (which is located inside of British Columbia), and it's province's capital, Victoria. _

**New Brunswick as Frederick Tilley**

_His name was based off of the province's capital Fredericton and off of one of the Fathers of Confederation Sir Sameul Leonard Tilley, who was born in New Brunswick. New Brunswick is Canada's only constitutionally billingual province._

..........................................Crap. I hate how I've thought that through so much. I also have personified all of the other provinces, but I won't mention them here. Anyway, thank you for reading my story, and I hope you enjoyed it. Also, just as a safety precaution, please don't flame me for the way I've portrayed America. Again, thank you for reading!

~The-baby-Sparrow


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